I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
