Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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