New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
