it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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