I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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