we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she pinky promised me she was 18
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
