just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
