see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
