i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
