dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
