a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There r osticjed everywhere
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my poor anus
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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