How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
