At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thank you for not boning my boss.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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