Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
