Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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