He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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