bring money and cleavage
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
