I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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