there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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