What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
