those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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