you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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