I hate all girls vehemently.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
