he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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