how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
