After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Terrible idea I love it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
