he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Found the puke drawer
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
