Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
