Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
