3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
