Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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