there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
