i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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