You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
