Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
