ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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