tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
