so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
