I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
