the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
