I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
