how can u be prego again
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
