Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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