Me. At least after what I've been through.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
