Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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