I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
