and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
