Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
