I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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