Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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