My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
