I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
