Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
