just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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