Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh god it's open bar.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
