What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Randomize
