Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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